- someone: you look pretty today
- me: happy birthday
growing up is realizing that every single one of your problems is caused by you being a fucking idiot
people who say “u mad bro” think they’ve just made the greatest comeback ever and even when you try to explain that that’s just stupid they just say “u mad bro?” again and think they’re winning, it reminds me of flies hitting the glass a thousand times but still don’t get that they can’t go through, dumb fucks
i want a friend with benefits (dental and medical insurance, 401k retirement plan, etc.)
if you catch me on the street listening to my ipod and i do a swift head turn i’m probably in the middle of filming my imaginary music video. do not disturb.